Filling in the Gaps

So I read the last post before my return and realized there are a lot of gaps in the story. I finally have my pain under control. I changed from my rhumotologist to my primary care dr, overhauled my meds and now am at a 2 on the pain scale, as opposed to a 7 and I am even able to stay up much later and not be exhausted! Lyrica is like a miracle drug for me.

As for the weight loss/health. I am now at 168, as opposed to last year at this time when I was 225, or two years ago, when I was preggo with Aiden and 255. So I think that is pretty awesome! I want to loose another 10-13 and then I will be loving it! Only problem is I think there is just some of the chub that will be there forever due to having babies. Anyone want to pony up for a tummy tuck??

As for mental health, I totally didn’t go lol. But I have another appointment arranged and plan on starting that too. I need to deal with some stuff and learn some coping skills and really just figure out what is within the ‘normal’ range for me.

Andrew still hasnt gotten to be station commander despite being promised a few stations. The boys are non stop talking, Landen can say his ABC’s and count to 15 and Aiden knows the numbers involved in counting to 10 lol.  Both know all their body parts. Aiden also talks pretty well, which is good and annoying all at once!

Okay I think that’s all the update necessary

Alone time…what?

No, don’t worry I am not actually getting any time alone, that would be crazy! But I am going to get to spend some time alone with Aiden. Getting time alone with any of the kids, unless they are sick, is rare so I think it will be a lot of fun! Andrew is taking Landen to a Bengals game today, Landen is super excited except he insists he is going to a Packer game and that the Steelers are going to win haha. Poor Andrew. I, however, support Landen’s independent thinking

As for me, things are okay. I am just stressed, but really, am I ever *not*? I just have a lot going on with school. I have 2 classes with professors that I hear are hard but the best, am working on my thesis (which right now is a lot of paperwork, background information, and phone calls), working on getting a paper I did published on the insistence of a professor, and am applying to do a poster presentation at the NASW Ohio Chapter Conference. (National Association of Social Workers). Like I said, a lot going on.

The great thing is that I love my internship. I am learning so much and it has really cemented the fact that this is the population I want to work with. Just having that settled relieves a tiny fraction of my stress.

Well off to get Landen ready for his game day trip!

It’s only been..what? Forever?

So I am here. I don’t really know what to write as, from my perspective, my life is pretty dull. The kids are good, hard to believe that Aiden will be 2 in a week! I am still in school, doing my internship at the VA medical center. I just finished on the PRRTP (don’t ask me what these letters mean!) ward, which is voluntary inpatient to learn coping skills and am now on the Acute Psych ward. I find it wierd because they house drug addicts and the seriously mentally ill together. Lets just say alcoholics are not thrilled with actively psychotic schizophrenics peeing on their beds….

Just started the Autumn quarter. I am excited and burnt out all at once. I am looking forward to my classes, and like being there, but the minute I get home I just want to sleep and not do anything school related. Which will be an issue here soon since I am doing a thesis instead of my comp exam. The title is in the works but is something about the reunification of military families. I am pretty excited about the prospects for this study. We shall see! My instructors seem hard, but good, this quarter so I am also looking forward to class – not so much the homework aspect tho.

Hmm, what else? I am still married…things have been rough but I am hopeful. The kids are starting to warm up to him! Well in about the last 7 mo or so the kids have really started to interact with him and he has been loving it. In fact Aiden insists that Andrew put him to bed now…trust me I am not complaining! Oh good news, the kids are in their bunk beds! Landen just holds my hand to go to sleep and doesn’t throw any fits. Aiden stays and snuggles with Andrew and we put him up there after he is asleep. They usually sleep through the night, but the last week they haven’t been feeling well so I have been up a lot.

In my health news, I am actually doing relatively well. While I will never be pain free, I am now at a pretty constant 2, which is quit manageable. I have changed to my primary care doctor to deal with the fibromyalgia and he has found a really great combination of drugs that even help me with the exhaustion. So that’s something. Amazingly I have had no other health crises.

As for moving, we still don’t know our next duty station. we will probably find out like a week before he is due to report. *sigh* I won’t be there till June anyway so whatever. Hopefully he will be stationed close to here until I finish school, though I know he would rather move. I would love Minnesota. Not that anyone who matters in the whole deciding where we will be stationed bit, but in the six bajillion to one chance someone is, Minnesota would be good

Well, that’s all I got. Hope anyone who even bothers checking here anymore is good

Being Proactive-ish

So, I have decided that I am sick of being achy all the time, depressed, and over weight so I am taking the steps, finally, to try and move toward a healthier happier me. I have kinda started going to the gym, and i say kind of because I went and was in a lot of pain afterwords so I kinda avoided going again. Then i went to the rhumotologist and am trying to come to terms with the fact that the aching I have isn’t normal. It’s all over and ranges from kinda noticable to unbearable. I am not sure how they diagnose one with fybromyalgia, I think it is basically a ruling out of everything else which apparently is what the blood work was for. So I am on 3 different meds for that now. I also made an appointment with a psychiatrist to work on my mental health. I have battled depression all my life and I am ready to get advise on tools I can use to overcome it. I figure since I hope to me working with mentally ill people perhaps i should get my own straightend out.

As for the meds, I took them for the first time last night and I was up at 3am and couldn’t go back to slee. I am feeling a little like I am high on cold meds, internally shaky and my head is fuzzy. However, the dr said that part of my pain at the gym is this fybromyalgia stuff so hopefully the meds will allow me to work out harder.

In other news the kids are doing great. Both are talking up a storm! I swear Aiden learns 2 new words a day! He knows where is belly and ears are and Landen is learning is colors and shapes – though he calls triangles pizza lol.

Andrew is doing okay, other than a bad backache. He is still working a lot but I don’t think that will change any time soon. We hear he is supposed to be a station commander here soon, so here’s to hoping!

I hope everyone is doing well and i will post more as it happens!

Soooo….yeah

So, here we are, some time later and I still got nothing. I started a new quarter than involves 4 classes and 16 hours of interning – all of which I enjoy for the most part once I get there. the kids are still my kids – loud and crazy. We got Aiden his first hair cut and he hated it, much like his brother. Andrew is still here, he still works all the time, and he still enjoys recruting.

I wish I had something entertaining to tell you – oh heres a little antidote for the day. Aiden was in daycare today and he was making a pouty face so the teacher jokingly told him to plug it, which I tell him all the time, so he put his bink in and made a pouty face lol. She said she couldn’t stop laughing! Ah good times. As for Landen he is doing so much better!! He talks so much more and is getting better at playing with others. Aiden has a pretty large vocabulary and speaks pretty clearly. His new word is “jacket”.

Um, what else? I am not doing well on the diet thing. I have been hungry and therefore eating a lot of shit. I am really going to try and get back into it. My problem stands with working out. I am in class or interning until 2 almost every day, then I have 1.5 hours to do something around the house (dishes, a quick clean of something, a load of laundry) then I pick up the boys and come home, do some more hanging out with them, spot cleaning then get ready for the next day and read some homwork before crashing and starting all over at 6am the next day. I don’t know where I can throw a work out in. I could take the boys to the gym and put them in the daycare but how unfair is that? I don’t know…ug. So here I am.

Well I better put dishes away, rewash the load of laundry I forgot about, fold the one thats in the dryer and start getting ready for tomorrow. Hope everyone is well!

Merry Christmas…n’ stuff

So I am not really sure what to update on. The kids are good, still slightly sick but I am not sure that will change. I am all right, still alive anyway. Just really really really super tired and just wishing that I could live on the couch and not have to be bothered to do anything. Andrew is home, and back to work. He has a 4 day weekend so that’s something. The kids have a 5 day weekend.

The internship is going well. It’s interesting to see the scope of mental illness and the different ways people deal with those illnesses. The way that an illness can shape your whole life and perspective amazes me. I am going back in next week and am excited/nervous about it still, but it’s good.

The kids still are okay with daycare, though I think they are getting sick again because both are clingy and needy lately. I am hoping that Christmas goes over better this year, since last year they were not cool with the whole concept. I think it took 2 or 3 days to open all of the presents. So we tried to keep it to a minimum and anything we did wrap I made sure it took as little time as possible to open. Some we are just putting together and leaving out so they don’t even have to worry about it. I will have to take some pics.

As for Andrew, who knows, he goes to work, he comes home sometimes he plays with the kids….

…so I don’t know what else to say. I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas!! (or whatever it is you celebrate)

Today is the Day

So, I have managed to get nothing done the last two weeks. The boys have been sick again. I took them in On Tues for colds, the same ones they have had since September, and the Dr. is thinking that they are allergic to something at the daycare which has compromised their immune system to the point that they can’t fight off all the other germs on top of trying to fight the allergy. Fun. So this afternoon I have to take them back to the dr and get the test thing so I can take them to Children’s Hospital for blood work to check for allergies, anemia, and an antibody count.

Yesterday I met with my field instructor at Southeast. I like him, he’s a cool/funny guy and can find humor in some really depressing situations. He says to succeed at this job you need to have outside interests and to be able to leave everthing that happens there at the door when you leave as well as the ability to laugh at situations. He also said that since I am so green I will have a lot of challenges, especially since he is throwing me in head first and seeing if I can swim. I told him I will be doing the back float and hoping for the best. The good news is I get an awesome swipey card and a parking code!

Other than that, not much really. Andrew comes home today so as soon as I post this I am going to be cleaning like crazy. I have until 2 to clean the house, and trust me every inch is dirty! I haven’t really had a chance to clean. I got some stuff clean last Friday, but then over the weekend the kids undid it all, then Monday and Tues I had finals plus taking the kids in, Weds I went Christmas shopping with Jill all day and then Thursday I met with my field instructor. Shit this has been a long week! I was thinking that all I did this week took two weeks – dang!

Christmas shopping was a success. I got the boys some jammies, a table with a train set, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse for Landen and a Barn Yard activity set for Aiden. I just have to get some stocking stuffers and I am set! Oh and figure something out for Andrew…. I got me new clothes! I need decent sweaters for my internship and I got new pants since I dropped from an 18 or 20ish to a 16. I am very excited! I only bought a couple pairs because I am still planning to loose more. Also, my wedding ring almost fits again.

So, I guess that’s really it. Andew will be home sometime tonight and the kids will yell with excitment to see him, then ignore him lol. Poor guy! Anyway, I seriously need to clean!! Hope you all have a great weekend!

So Close Yet So Far Away

I am anxiously awaiting Tuesday afternoon when I will be officially done for the quarter. I can’t tell you how much I want this break and the freedom to chuck a ton of papers and not have to worry about homework or not doing all my reading or stressing about how I am going to balance class and an internship for a few short, precious, weeks.

I set up the Christmas tree yesterday afternoon after spending a fortune at Target getting a tree skirt, shatter proof ornaments, and a wreath. Christmas would be a lot more fun if I didn’t have to spend so much damn money. However, the look on the boys faces when they came home and saw the tree was priceless! They both yelled “lights!” and ran for the tree lol. Of course Landen wants to touch all the ornaments and Aiden wants to take them off and run around with/throw them. Like I said, thank God for shatter proof ornaments and plastic hooks! I am also getting in the Christmas spirit by downloading Christmas MP3’s off Amazon.

In other news, only one more week until Andrew is home! I can’t wait. Maybe we will even go on a date one day We will see. I just know that I will be glad to have some help, however little it is.

Anyway, that is all Hope you are getting in the Christmas/Holiday (look at me being all P.C.!) spirit too!

I Hear There is a Light at the End of this Tunnel…

So, there are only 6 more days in this quarter and I am trying to push through and make it. I still have 1 online quiz (next Tuesday), a poster presentation (on Monday) and a reflection paper (due Monday). Not a lot really, but when you are burnt out and just want to sleep, well lets just say sleep and getting stuff done doesn’t go well together! I feel bad because I have been super cranky with the kids because I am tired, burnt out, and sick…oh yes, still sick. I just want a break! Only 6 more days…. My only concern is that I am all ready so burnt out after one quarter, how in the hell am I going to get through the next 5? Starting next quarter I not only have class but also an internship 2 days a week. What in the world am I going to do then? I can’t even do all the homework and reading now! Ug. I am excited/scared about my internship. I will be on an outreach team in the community and a case manager, I don’t even know what the hell a case manager does!! I talk to my field instructor next week so I guess I will tell him then I have never done anything like this before and I want lots of training so I don’t mess up!

In other news about me, I joined weight watchers again, and in the last 2 weeks managed to loose 15lbs. I know everyone thinks I must be starving myself, but seriously, I use all my points and eat. I am rarely hungry, except maybe just before I go to bed, but usually I have enough points left for a quick snack of fruit or popcorn. I am going to start slowly adding exercise as well and hopefully that will prevent a plateau. I want to get down to 150 (I was 155 at my lightest) and am at 205. However, because that is such a huge goal, I am just aiming for the below 200 mark, then I will get myself a little congrats present I am hoping to obtain this goal by Christmas!

As for Andrew, he is still gone. He will be home in about 9 days, so not to much longer. I am hoping he will get his leave and be off for 10 days, just in time for a 4 day weekend for Christmas, then another for New Years! YAY! This is really the only time of year Andrew ever has any time off so I am pretty excited, plus I won’t have homework so we can actually hang out, which will be a nice change of pace. Maybe go get a nice lunch together while the kids are in daycare, see a movie…something. Plus he needs time to relax I am sure.

The kids are doing good, Aiden’s ear infection came back so he is on stronger antibiotics. The daycare isn’t so happy because he poops so much on them. And by poops I mean out of the diaper and on all his clothes lol. But he is feeling better again. I still feel guilty about leaving them in the care of someone else, it makes me feel like I am not a good parent, but they love it so much and play so well with the other kids that I also feel bad not taking them. I sometimes watch them and I am so impressed/proud of them but I wish that I could give them that as well. It is very hard sometimes. I just feel like I should be a better mom and should have them at home with me instead of me going out and enjoying my time away from them. God I feel terrible just saying I like being away from them! Ug.

Anyway, what i am saying is they are doing great Mommy is now just for cuddling and tackeling and playing ball with. If you want pictures check out either my myspace or facebook pages. I have their school pics up there.

As for everyone else, I hope you are doing well! I will be back next week after everything is over and give an update then!

First Week

So its been almost a full week since Andrew left and things are going really well. It hasn;t been to bad, but we won’t tell Andrew that. The kids are doing well, though they ask for daddy a lot. We are hoping that Andrew gets to come home for Thanksgiving but no promises.

As for school things are okay. I would like to say winding down but with the final projects coming due within the next two weeks and final papers things are a little overwhelming. Plus I have my interview tomorrow. So things are a little hectic. I should actually be doing a paper now lol. But I am writing to you.

I hope things are well with everyone else and I am going to go get to work or at least pretend to.