And then there was….er….something?

I guess I am slacking a bit in the update department, but I don’t feel to bad since all the journals I read are rarely updated too. I suppose when you work and have some sort of personal life it is hard to get online and sit and type about the daily grind that you are really trying not to think about and just make it until the next day.

so, working at children’s services is a whole lot of paperwork and little client contact, which sucks. Basically I go, tell them what the allegations against them are, get their side, history, etc, make sure the kids are safe, then leave and fill out like 100 pages of paperwork. This gets even more complicated when referring them out to programs where even more paperwork is required. Basically, I sit on my butt all day. I think its been a really great experience, but I know that eventually I am going to want something more than just this. But, I need experience, this pays the bills for the most part, and honestly I can’t bitch because at least I have a job.

In other news, Aiden is potty trained…aside from the whole BM thing. Both boys refuse to go on the toilet for that for some reason. we took away diapers and landen just held it and ended up staying up all night crying because his stomach hurt. I asked the dr what to do and he said let them go in diapers because pooping in the potty isn’t as important as having regular BM’s, so, that’s what we’ve done. Other than that both are doing well. Landen is in the preschool program at the daycare, including a trial curriculum designed by OSU. He seems to be doing well. Aiden is about to move up to a potty trained class, and he is doing great. He speaks in paragraphs, knows his ABC’s and numbers when he feels like actually doing them right. But he is a little shit who does bad things like grabbing toys and hitting. Drives me nuts. And he always acts so innocent, but I know his non-angelic side!

I guess, really, that’s it. I don’t know much else lol.

3 weeks in

So, it has now been 3 weeks that I have been working and so far so good. Just can’t believe how complicated all this is and believe me you do more work than what your paycheck covers. I finally got to shadow someone and see some clients. It is amazing and humbling to see these families in turmoil and really makes you see how lucky you are as a person. That along with the other stuff that has happened this week, including being told I had a kidney mass, having to get a CT and finding out that I had kidney stones just like i said as well as a kidney cyst. That was just some of the bad crap this week, but I think I, and everyone else involved, will be okay.

So, what else? Not much really. Andrew took the boys to see their first movie. I am not sure where they are now, since I think the movie is over, but he wanted to take them out, and I didn’t argue. The boys are doing well, they are so smart it scares me sometimes, they are just growing way to damn fast! Landen is moving up to the 4 y/o class at the end of the week too, so I am all sad. He is definitely not a baby anymore!

That’s really it, can’t think of anything else. I am going to get back to it, but thought I would type a little something.

The Life of an Unemployed Social Worker

So, I have officially graduated, officially have my LSW (need two years supervision for the LISW so I can practice independently) and yet, no job. I do have a second interview at Franklin County Children’s Services next Tuesday, they have basically said that unless I totally f-up the interview I am in. My only issue with it is there is little room for advancement, the pay isn’t great, and there are to few LISW’s to be able to do supervision. However, it will be great experience (seeing as this is technically my first real job ever), I will get great experience working with kids, families and reintegration which are some of my interests, and I may be able to help a kid/family or two along the way.

I am, of course, intimidated by the idea of working as a social worker. I know that I know my stuff for the most part, but, really, I have never been on my own to do the work. I always had someone looking over my shoulder and making sure I didn’t totally f-up. So the idea of me being on my own, making assessments and decisions without the security of someone following my every move, is a but scary. I know I can do everything that is required….just a little shaky.

As for everything else, all is cool. I have been trying to hang out more with friends. I went to the midnight premier of Eclipse with a girl from my class, went canoeing with some friends with plans to do that again at the end of the month, trying to join a city league for softball or soccer, and today we are going to some party thing at one of Andrew’s co-workers places. I am also reading books that have nothing to do with social work, which is a nice break. But I do have plans that involve social work. I am working on putting an event on (have some help from a foundation) and plan to attempt to get a paper published as well as work with someone else to do a research project. Of course, I would then have to be able to have the energy to do all this after the kids go to bed, and that usually doesn’t happen.

Anyway, overall things are going pretty well. It will be weird to get a real person paycheck when I do!

Hope all is well.

Forward Thinking

So, as most of you know (or maybe don’t), I am usually fairly depressed. I suspect dysthymia since I have like all the criteria. As a result, I am usually a past-backward thinker. Meaning I think of the way things would have been better had I made different choices. As a social worker, and someone with common sense, I realize this isn’t the best way to think as it does nothing to change anything. I can’t go back in time, and despite my illogical event sequencing of differing choice paths, there is no guarantee that things would have been the way I imagine. The point of this is that I am attempting to focus on future forward thinking.

Logically, I cannot go back in time and change anything. As a result I have decided that what I can change now is me. So I have decided to integrate and assimilate parts of what I wish I had done into my life now. The first thing is socializing. While I have never been a social butterfly, I do like having friends and hanging out. So, I am attempting to go out more. First step, going canoeing and hanging with the Kyle’s again. Second step, Eclipse Premier Tuesday night with girls from my class. Third step, joining a fall sports city league. And so the steps will continue.

I think after that I will start upping the ante by trying to import research and submitting papers to journals. I always thought that I would be doing research, and if I want to go to step three, I need to be published. So, there you go. I am attempting to slowly incorporate 3 aspects of the life I dream I would have had, had I made different choices, into the life that I have now. I think this way I get the best of both worlds

…Er, Now What?

So, I have been a graduate now for 10 days now…and now I feel kind of weird not having it hanging over my head. Not that there aren’t other things hanging there – like finding a job, helping to coordinate an event, getting my paper published (finally), and keeping in contact with people (I tend to not contact people if they are not in front of me – my brain wonders!)

So, since I don’t have a job the boys will only be in daycare part time, meaning they will have 4 day weekends. I think it’s important to keep them in though, just for developmental reasons and because I really don’t want to go insane. Mostly the latter, though to sound like a good mom I will say it’s the former.

In other news…well I will update that when I am in a better mood. suffice it to say, I am frustrated by my lack of job and unsureness of how to get where I want to be. I wonder if I will actually be happy when I am where I think I want to be, or if I will just want to be somewhere else and wish I was there…hmmm.

10 Days…Not That I’m Counting…

So, 10 days till I have a masters degree So freaking awesome I am so excited! I am officially done interning and since I only had one class this quarter I only have one final Which I should be working on now, but whatever.

So these last few weeks have been a bit stressful. I had that MRSA thing, and after 7 weeks of having my wounds packed with mesalt strips everyday by my doc, plus weekly visits to the wound clinic, and 5 weeks of antibiotics my wounds no longer need packed but I will have wicked scars. I will try and post pics on facebook if you are interested in seeing my awesome scars lol.

Also there is the whole interning thing. I got told a month before the end of my internship that I had to fulfill the full 500hrs of the VA stipend, while I was under the impression that I had up to 500 paid hours. Because of me putting in like 250 hrs before they began paying me the stipend in October there was a huge discrepancy of hours resulting in some tension between myself and my instructor. Thankfully it all got worked out and I had my last day of interning last week. I was working 4 days a week, then class 1. It was insanity for a while, especially with me having to have my back packed every morning. I have to say that I really learned a lot and met some great people there though! People I will miss dearly, so I am glad I had the experience overall.

I have also decided that research is still my thing, though I am not going back to get my PhD just yet since that is way harder than a masters program and I barely made it through this without being institutionalized. So, that’s for later, but I hope to work on some research projects as well as do some organizing and working on events. We shall see how that proceeds!

The kids are doing great, they are snippy but Andrew and I have come together to stop the talking back and disrespect. So far we seem to be making progress! We also have a new carpet and furniture for the living room, now that the kids don’t make so much of a mess. We are saving up to tile or hardwood the floors and paint. I guess i better get a job…I have been applying anywhere that I can!

Well I better get back to that final! Hope all is well for the few people that will read this!

Where did the time go?!

So today Landen is 4 years old. I cannot believe it has been four years since I had him, it seems like just yesterday! He has gotten so big and when I look at him I just want to keep him this way forever. I don’t ever want him to grow up am having empty nest syndrome and in my insanity am secretly wanting another baby – though I know that I don’t want to go through all that again, I just miss him being small and snuggly and sleeping in bed with me. I miss all of that, and yes he is still snuggly and wants me, but he also has his own little life with his little friends and school and I feel like grabbing him back and never letting go. But I know how much he loves all of hose things, and I know that in the long run, since I doubt I will be able to keep him 4 forever, he will be better off for all of it – it just makes me nostalgic.

So how have things been? They’ve been nutty here, well nutty for me, everyone else has been smooth sailing. On April 1 I has a small lump on my back, just thinking it was a zit I didn’t pay much attention, but then by Monday it was the size of a baseball. I went in to have it checked by my dr, who 4 days previous had stated when I came to see him “At least it’s not another staph infection” and totay jinxed me. He went to try and drain it and it didn’t look right so he had me go to a wound surgeon person the next day, by then it was the size of a softball. they had to cut it open (mind you this was on my new tattoo) to drain it, and it was MRSA. So, for the week I had to go have my PCM pack the inside of the wound with mesalt (oh yeah, salt on an open wound, awesome, especially when shoved under your skin with q-tips) every day. Then, the next weekend, the MRSA infection tracked out from the woound I had in a trail to my side. So, Monday I see my PCM, he again sends me to the surgeon, who again cuts and drains it, and now I have two wounds to pack. Its been about two weeks now with that and I go in every day to have it packed. Needless to say I missed my internship, and to fulfill my hours I am obligated to the VA for (170 more, though I only need like 90 to graduate for OSU) I will be interning 4 days a week. I am also the student coordinator for the VA conference in May, going to school, and the primary care giver to my kids, and the person who cleans. So. Yes. 7 more weeks. That’s all I gotta make it!

So there you go. Off to go get my wounds packed with salt and pick out Landen’s b-day cake for his party Sunday at this cool place that has a bunch of blow up bouncy houses and slides.

Another Week Closer

So, I am another week closer to graduation, sadly that also means that I have two papers due. I am so burnt out that I find myself doing absolutely anything other than my homework. Like clean (which needs to be done) and random errands. Or signing myself up to volunteer to work at a veterans conference and I am planning to submit two papers to present. As one of my New Year resolutions was to procrastinate less, well I am not fulfilling that. I just have to tell myself that I am 12ish weeks from graduation and that I can suck up and do anything for 12 weeks. So here’s to doing that!

Another resolution was to get to my goal weight, 155-160, I am 158 now, a total loss of 98 lbs from the day I had with Aiden, and almost 70lbs from when I started this in Oct 2008. Not bad. I just wish I could have a tummy tuck. I won’t go into detail, but lets just say that babies, especially ones that weigh 10lbs at birth, do not do a belly well. But I still love them!

Speaking of boys, Aiden is talking crazy well, nearly as well as Landen. They amaze me by how smart they are, well maybe not when they are being smart as in sassy. Funny story: So I have a potty mouth as anyone who has ever been within ear shot of me. So, at some point I must have said “Shut the fuck up”, so Landen is sitting on my lap and we are watching Spiderman. I asked him something in the middle of it and he goes “Shut the fuck up” I was like “What?!” and he said it again. Meanwhile Andrew is trying not to laugh so I have to tell Landen that’s a sad word and we don’t say that. he goes “we can’t say shut the fuck up?” I said no and he says “oh shut the fuck up is a sad word, right mommy” I said yes and that whoever says it, even mommy, will have to go to time out. Andrew, of course, had to rub it in about how I, not him, am teaching the kids ‘sad’ words. So I am doing my very best not to swear, its friggin hard!

Andrew is working hard, like he always does, but last night he was like “I am working myself to hard” no shit sherlock you’ve been doing that since I’ve known you! He is a few recruiters short in his station for a while, so he takes everything on because he’s a perfectionist and want’s it done to his standards so he just does it himself….huh, sounds familiar…

Counting my Blessings

I thought I should document how lucky I am feeling today. In my line of work (or future work) I see people everyday at their worst, their rock bottom, and I think it has helped me appreciate how lucky my family and I are. We have the money to afford to live and to get some of the more luxurious things in life, we have food, I have family that supports me, I have clothes and shelter. There are some/a lot of people who even lack the basics, so I am just feeling very fortunate today. I am also feeling fortunate because my marriage is working out, so my family is staying together. Andrew and I seem to be in the best spot we have been since, well probably since 2005. I am just thankful that he forgave me and I have been able to be a little (a lot) less bitchy. It is a work in progress! But I have noticed that everyone in the house is in a better mood. Maybe it has to do with me being so close to being done with school, my meds helping with the pain more, Andrew being happier at work now that he has his own station – whatever it is I hope it keeps up!

The boys are doing great. Nothing new and exciting – well Aiden is 24mo pants! Wahoo! They are so cute together, they play really well and i love the little extra time it gives me – so long as I am not breaking up a fight every 3 seconds. I still get asked if they are twins. I think they look alike but not that alike. Aiden is talking in full sentences, he is much further along that Landen was at that age, but he has also been in daycare and around a sibling more that Landen was at this age so I guess that’ll explain that away.

So the only news I have is that we traded in the minivan for a 2009 Ford Escape. Since I drive 90 miles a day when I am interning (which is about to be 3 days a week) I use the car because it has way better gas miliage so Andrew has been stuck with the van, which he hates driving around in. Plus things keep breaking. We just got new tires and breaks and we had to fix something else that I don’t remember and now on one of the sliding doors the wires were coming out and getting frayed because they kept getting caught in the track. So, Andrew looked online for a car he wanted, I called our bank (USAA) and got pre-approved for a loan at 4.6% fixed APR, we were paying 11% on the van so we were like hells yea lets get a new one! Our next step is to pay down the car to within 120% of its value and refinance at the 4.6% instead of the almost 12% we are paying now.

I really think that’s it! Anyway. Now you know my life story – sorry about that…

Health

So for some reason I am not a healthy person, never have been. So the latest thing is it’s been hurting to breath. I have a burning sensation in my chest so I gave in and went to the dr. I don’t remember what it’s called but basically the outer lining of my lungs are supposed to be slippery and slide past my ribs when I breath, but I have some infection that made the outer lining sticky and so now my lungs keep sticking to my ribs and like ripping off or whatever when I breather. Usually he gives anti inflammatory and expectorant but since I am all ready on an antiinflamitory, and a pretty high dose, and theother one he usually gives isn’t compatible, I only got the expectorant. But it hurts like a mofo for sure!

So today is Andrew’s first day of being a station commander! I am so super proud of him and know he will do great. He has a good work ethic and likes to get things done, and done right. I think it will be awesome!

The kids are good, sassy but good. Landen I think has gotten taller as his pants are looking a little short so I need to dig out the 4-T pants. Aiden is still in 18mo old pants but is filling out 2-T shirts. He is going to be short and stout I think! Or maybe he will shoot up all the sudden and surprise me lol.

So I had a scare today, apparently yesterday my dad was almost ran over by a plow. I guess he was standing next to it and a guy backed up without looking and he got hit pretty good. The dr said he’s lucky he’s not dead and didn’t break anything. Super scary! I am just glad he is okay!

Um, that’s it Hope all is well out there with whomever actually reads this