Oh yeah, I forgot

To blog that is. A lot has happened in the last few weeks, so I will start with assuring you that I got my final completed, then I did the other 16 page final in 6 hours the morning it was due. Not cool, but it got done. Things, of course, have been stressful here, but more on that later.

I think it was almost two weeks ago now Aiden gave us a bit of a scare. He was supposed to be putting money in his piggy bank. Instead, he tried to eat a quarter. I was cooking dinner, turned and saw him drop to the floor so I ran over and wrenched him up, he started breathing and caughing and I asked if he had swallowed money and he said he had (this was around 530pm). Andrew thought it was small and it would pass, but Aiden was breathing funny, wouldn’t talk, and kept trying to cry so I said we were going in. We took him to the nearest hospital (he threw up in the car) and they took him back right away for an X-Ray. It was obvious in the X-Ray he had attempted to swallow a quarter and it was stuck at the top of his esophagus. They took us back to wait for the dr, who came within a half hour and talked about giving Aiden something to try and move it along, but the head dr said we needed to go to Children’s hospital and have it removed, so Aiden and I rode on the ambulance while Andrew and Landen went to get me a change of clothes (this was about 800pm).   So we get to Children’s and they call the ENT to see if he wants to do surgery of if they were going to let it pass. The ENT arrived and talked to us and said he might want to do another X-Ray but after seeing the origional he stated that the quarter wasn’t going anywhere and they would have to put Aiden under to do a scope and remove it (930). They set up the OR and had us go upstairs. By now Aiden was sound asleep (he had taken 2 naps during out adventure, poor guy!) and we got upstairs around 10pm or so. By 1030 I had to hand Aiden off to the OR nurse (thankfully he was still asleep), and wait anxiously for about 45 minutes until the ENT said the quarter had been removed and he was doing well. It was another 45 min before the nurse came and got me to take Aiden to our room. They had given him pain meds so we had to stay over night for observation. The poor kid had an IV and everything! Thankfully he was really good and only tried to pull at the IV once after he woke up around 630am. He asked for juice first, and after he drank it he said “NO eat money!” I was like, no shit buddy, should have thought of that yesterday!!! So needless to say that was super scary!

In other news, after some, er, conversation Andrew and I cleared up some misunderstandings and we are going to try and work things out, so he didn’t move out. He is also supposed to come up on orders in Jan or Feb for March but we will say. They keep saying stuff, like how for the last 3yrs he was supposed to be getting his own station. So I will believe it when I see it. We decided to wait and see how things are when this happens and go from there. Right now we are just trying to converse more and say what we are thinking and asking instead of assuming. Like in most situations, this is probably a good idea.

Other than that, one more final and a debate and I am done for the quarter! I had to give up the idea of a thesis because it was just taking to long to get permission. Instead I am going to do another independent study either on the differences in reintegration issues with reservists or with women. I am meeting with my adviser next week to figure it out! I am super excited about anything involving research, which is super nerdy but whatever!

Anyway, that’s about it. Today Andrew and I are going to reorganize the ‘office’ so I can actually utilize it and get this homework knocked out. Hope everyone is well!!

Next step

So, I have therapy today. Yes, I go to therapy. I am kinda fucked up. But its cool, because I know it. So I was talking to a friend about what I should move on to now that I have done the first thing I wanted help with (if I should get seperated/divorced). I think next I want to move to attachment issues, especially since dating is in my future (maybe. I don’t really know how that will work). Anyway, I get attached to fast and hurt to easily. I easily feel rejected and well, I know what she will say, probably related to my childhood and relationship with my dad. I also have an idea about what methods she will use to help me. To bad I can’t be my own therapist….that would be sweet! Thankfully its free right now.

Other than that, I got a final due tomorrow – I am on page 3, and lets just say he’s expecting at least 7 more pages. ACK! Plus i have another final next week I haven’t started and have to have read up on methods in 3 books and redo my proposal. Crap. Man. I totally wasted this whole stupid week! It’s like on one hand I totally needed a break and a couple days just to think and get right, but I don’t really have the luxery of time. Sucks.

Anyway, I guess I better get on that.

Believe it or not…

I hate being the bad guy. Some who knew me back in my early college days [Jason L. ] might have a hard time believing it, but I have gone soft. I absolutely HATE hurting feelings, and here I am doing it. I wish that I could say that Andrew and I will always be friends and work things out like we are now, but I don’t trust that. Not just on his part, but on mine too. When people get bitter it changes them and I don’t want that to happen. So, I drew up something. I think it insulted Andrew, which isn’t/wasn’t my intention. He has been more than generous in helping me and the kids, I just want us both to have this security and to make things ‘official’ for now.

So now I feel like a jerk *sigh*. And I hate it. But I guess there wasn’t really another alternative. So, yeah. There we go.

I guess things are going all right otherwise. Except like *everything* keeps breaking! Yesterday I went to get new tires, they told me I had like 0 break pads left, so I went and got new breaks. Turns out the calibrator thingy wasn’t even attached! Totally could have fell off and caused an accident. Then this morning the hot water heater is out. Then I lost one of my meds and have to pay for it again, and it isn’t one of the kinds that has a generic brand. ACK!

The good news is that I have a babysitter for Nov 13, so I can go out with some peoples in Cincinatti. Andrew will be at the casino and I am going with the people we usually hang out with to bars or whatever. I am super excited about it! I am liking this people taking care of my kids stuff It’s nice to know that once in a while I can go out and be 27. I sort of feel like I lost my 20’s – married at 21, 2 kids by 25. So, here’s to having some fun!!

Anyway, I guess that’s it. I should totally do my homework and clean up! Water heater fixer-upper is coming tomorrow morning!

Coming up with a new plan

Have you ever had a great plan, thought you had a strait course to take and then suddenly something hits you by suprise and you are like “holy shit, what the fuck just happened?” That is the story of my life. I always think I have a plan, think I am on the way to where I need/want to be, and then I have something happen – an event, a realization, hit by an emotion – and all the sudden I have no freaking clue and feel lost and isolated. Like the whole trail I had been on just up and disapears and I can’t even see the trail anymore, much less the destination.

I don’t know why this happens, but it does. Perhaps depression, loss of a sense of control, but what I do know is that when I don’t have a plan I can’t function well. Oh I can make it through the day doing the basics, but I feel empty, well emptier than normal.

So. I need a plan. No, that’s not right. I had a plan 4 days ago, what I need to do is find that stupid path again. I liked that path, it was awesome and freeing and what I ultimately wanted. So, I am taking the week off from interning and getting myself squared away again.