So, I have decided that I am sick of being achy all the time, depressed, and over weight so I am taking the steps, finally, to try and move toward a healthier happier me. I have kinda started going to the gym, and i say kind of because I went and was in a lot of pain afterwords so I kinda avoided going again. Then i went to the rhumotologist and am trying to come to terms with the fact that the aching I have isn’t normal. It’s all over and ranges from kinda noticable to unbearable. I am not sure how they diagnose one with fybromyalgia, I think it is basically a ruling out of everything else which apparently is what the blood work was for. So I am on 3 different meds for that now. I also made an appointment with a psychiatrist to work on my mental health. I have battled depression all my life and I am ready to get advise on tools I can use to overcome it. I figure since I hope to me working with mentally ill people perhaps i should get my own straightend out.

As for the meds, I took them for the first time last night and I was up at 3am and couldn’t go back to slee. I am feeling a little like I am high on cold meds, internally shaky and my head is fuzzy. However, the dr said that part of my pain at the gym is this fybromyalgia stuff so hopefully the meds will allow me to work out harder.

In other news the kids are doing great. Both are talking up a storm! I swear Aiden learns 2 new words a day! He knows where is belly and ears are and Landen is learning is colors and shapes – though he calls triangles pizza lol.

Andrew is doing okay, other than a bad backache. He is still working a lot but I don’t think that will change any time soon. We hear he is supposed to be a station commander here soon, so here’s to hoping!

I hope everyone is doing well and i will post more as it happens!

So, here we are, some time later and I still got nothing. I started a new quarter than involves 4 classes and 16 hours of interning – all of which I enjoy for the most part once I get there. the kids are still my kids – loud and crazy. We got Aiden his first hair cut and he hated it, much like his brother. Andrew is still here, he still works all the time, and he still enjoys recruting.

I wish I had something entertaining to tell you – oh heres a little antidote for the day. Aiden was in daycare today and he was making a pouty face so the teacher jokingly told him to plug it, which I tell him all the time, so he put his bink in and made a pouty face lol. She said she couldn’t stop laughing! Ah good times. As for Landen he is doing so much better!! He talks so much more and is getting better at playing with others. Aiden has a pretty large vocabulary and speaks pretty clearly. His new word is “jacket”.

Um, what else? I am not doing well on the diet thing. I have been hungry and therefore eating a lot of shit. I am really going to try and get back into it. My problem stands with working out. I am in class or interning until 2 almost every day, then I have 1.5 hours to do something around the house (dishes, a quick clean of something, a load of laundry) then I pick up the boys and come home, do some more hanging out with them, spot cleaning then get ready for the next day and read some homwork before crashing and starting all over at 6am the next day. I don’t know where I can throw a work out in. I could take the boys to the gym and put them in the daycare but how unfair is that? I don’t know…ug. So here I am.

Well I better put dishes away, rewash the load of laundry I forgot about, fold the one thats in the dryer and start getting ready for tomorrow. Hope everyone is well!

So I am not really sure what to update on. The kids are good, still slightly sick but I am not sure that will change. I am all right, still alive anyway. Just really really really super tired and just wishing that I could live on the couch and not have to be bothered to do anything. Andrew is home, and back to work. He has a 4 day weekend so that’s something. The kids have a 5 day weekend.

The internship is going well. It’s interesting to see the scope of mental illness and the different ways people deal with those illnesses. The way that an illness can shape your whole life and perspective amazes me. I am going back in next week and am excited/nervous about it still, but it’s good.

The kids still are okay with daycare, though I think they are getting sick again because both are clingy and needy lately. I am hoping that Christmas goes over better this year, since last year they were not cool with the whole concept. I think it took 2 or 3 days to open all of the presents. So we tried to keep it to a minimum and anything we did wrap I made sure it took as little time as possible to open. Some we are just putting together and leaving out so they don’t even have to worry about it. I will have to take some pics.

As for Andrew, who knows, he goes to work, he comes home sometimes he plays with the kids….

…so I don’t know what else to say. I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas!! (or whatever it is you celebrate)

So, I have managed to get nothing done the last two weeks. The boys have been sick again. I took them in On Tues for colds, the same ones they have had since September, and the Dr. is thinking that they are allergic to something at the daycare which has compromised their immune system to the point that they can’t fight off all the other germs on top of trying to fight the allergy. Fun. So this afternoon I have to take them back to the dr and get the test thing so I can take them to Children’s Hospital for blood work to check for allergies, anemia, and an antibody count.

Yesterday I met with my field instructor at Southeast. I like him, he’s a cool/funny guy and can find humor in some really depressing situations. He says to succeed at this job you need to have outside interests and to be able to leave everthing that happens there at the door when you leave as well as the ability to laugh at situations. He also said that since I am so green I will have a lot of challenges, especially since he is throwing me in head first and seeing if I can swim. I told him I will be doing the back float and hoping for the best. The good news is I get an awesome swipey card and a parking code!

Other than that, not much really. Andrew comes home today so as soon as I post this I am going to be cleaning like crazy. I have until 2 to clean the house, and trust me every inch is dirty! I haven’t really had a chance to clean. I got some stuff clean last Friday, but then over the weekend the kids undid it all, then Monday and Tues I had finals plus taking the kids in, Weds I went Christmas shopping with Jill all day and then Thursday I met with my field instructor. Shit this has been a long week! I was thinking that all I did this week took two weeks – dang!

Christmas shopping was a success. I got the boys some jammies, a table with a train set, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse for Landen and a Barn Yard activity set for Aiden. I just have to get some stocking stuffers and I am set! Oh and figure something out for Andrew…. I got me new clothes! I need decent sweaters for my internship and I got new pants since I dropped from an 18 or 20ish to a 16. I am very excited! I only bought a couple pairs because I am still planning to loose more. Also, my wedding ring almost fits again.

So, I guess that’s really it. Andew will be home sometime tonight and the kids will yell with excitment to see him, then ignore him lol. Poor guy! Anyway, I seriously need to clean!! Hope you all have a great weekend!

I am anxiously awaiting Tuesday afternoon when I will be officially done for the quarter. I can’t tell you how much I want this break and the freedom to chuck a ton of papers and not have to worry about homework or not doing all my reading or stressing about how I am going to balance class and an internship for a few short, precious, weeks.

I set up the Christmas tree yesterday afternoon after spending a fortune at Target getting a tree skirt, shatter proof ornaments, and a wreath. Christmas would be a lot more fun if I didn’t have to spend so much damn money. However, the look on the boys faces when they came home and saw the tree was priceless! They both yelled “lights!” and ran for the tree lol. Of course Landen wants to touch all the ornaments and Aiden wants to take them off and run around with/throw them. Like I said, thank God for shatter proof ornaments and plastic hooks! I am also getting in the Christmas spirit by downloading Christmas MP3’s off Amazon.

In other news, only one more week until Andrew is home! I can’t wait. Maybe we will even go on a date one day We will see. I just know that I will be glad to have some help, however little it is.

Anyway, that is all Hope you are getting in the Christmas/Holiday (look at me being all P.C.!) spirit too!

So, there are only 6 more days in this quarter and I am trying to push through and make it. I still have 1 online quiz (next Tuesday), a poster presentation (on Monday) and a reflection paper (due Monday). Not a lot really, but when you are burnt out and just want to sleep, well lets just say sleep and getting stuff done doesn’t go well together! I feel bad because I have been super cranky with the kids because I am tired, burnt out, and sick…oh yes, still sick. I just want a break! Only 6 more days…. My only concern is that I am all ready so burnt out after one quarter, how in the hell am I going to get through the next 5? Starting next quarter I not only have class but also an internship 2 days a week. What in the world am I going to do then? I can’t even do all the homework and reading now! Ug. I am excited/scared about my internship. I will be on an outreach team in the community and a case manager, I don’t even know what the hell a case manager does!! I talk to my field instructor next week so I guess I will tell him then I have never done anything like this before and I want lots of training so I don’t mess up!

In other news about me, I joined weight watchers again, and in the last 2 weeks managed to loose 15lbs. I know everyone thinks I must be starving myself, but seriously, I use all my points and eat. I am rarely hungry, except maybe just before I go to bed, but usually I have enough points left for a quick snack of fruit or popcorn. I am going to start slowly adding exercise as well and hopefully that will prevent a plateau. I want to get down to 150 (I was 155 at my lightest) and am at 205. However, because that is such a huge goal, I am just aiming for the below 200 mark, then I will get myself a little congrats present I am hoping to obtain this goal by Christmas!

As for Andrew, he is still gone. He will be home in about 9 days, so not to much longer. I am hoping he will get his leave and be off for 10 days, just in time for a 4 day weekend for Christmas, then another for New Years! YAY! This is really the only time of year Andrew ever has any time off so I am pretty excited, plus I won’t have homework so we can actually hang out, which will be a nice change of pace. Maybe go get a nice lunch together while the kids are in daycare, see a movie…something. Plus he needs time to relax I am sure.

The kids are doing good, Aiden’s ear infection came back so he is on stronger antibiotics. The daycare isn’t so happy because he poops so much on them. And by poops I mean out of the diaper and on all his clothes lol. But he is feeling better again. I still feel guilty about leaving them in the care of someone else, it makes me feel like I am not a good parent, but they love it so much and play so well with the other kids that I also feel bad not taking them. I sometimes watch them and I am so impressed/proud of them but I wish that I could give them that as well. It is very hard sometimes. I just feel like I should be a better mom and should have them at home with me instead of me going out and enjoying my time away from them. God I feel terrible just saying I like being away from them! Ug.

Anyway, what i am saying is they are doing great Mommy is now just for cuddling and tackeling and playing ball with. If you want pictures check out either my myspace or facebook pages. I have their school pics up there.

As for everyone else, I hope you are doing well! I will be back next week after everything is over and give an update then!

So its been almost a full week since Andrew left and things are going really well. It hasn;t been to bad, but we won’t tell Andrew that. The kids are doing well, though they ask for daddy a lot. We are hoping that Andrew gets to come home for Thanksgiving but no promises.

As for school things are okay. I would like to say winding down but with the final projects coming due within the next two weeks and final papers things are a little overwhelming. Plus I have my interview tomorrow. So things are a little hectic. I should actually be doing a paper now lol. But I am writing to you.

I hope things are well with everyone else and I am going to go get to work or at least pretend to.

Sorry it has been so long! What a jerk I am!! I know you are all dying to know what has been going on with me, and sorry to say you will all be sorely disapointed because all that has been going on is that I am still sick. I know! I went to specialist on the 31st of October and my infection had cleared up and there was nothing wrong with my ears, nose or throat. But now I have a cold again and I can feel the pain starting in my ears again. The boys, too, have been sick on and off. Aiden had hand, foot and mouth which is some sort of virus that gives your dots on your hands and feet and in your mouth. He is fine now but then they both got colds with fevers over the weekend. It’s like a never ending cycle. So I disinfected all the toys and am hoping that if I just cover the house in disinfectant spray some of the reoccurance will stop, of course daycare is like a little germ factory so I wouldn’t count on it.

As far as school, things are good. I love it and can’t wait for my field practicum to start and to really delve into mental health. The place where I am going deals with outpatient mental health, chemical dependancy, and the homeless. I am to excited! Classes are well, I can’t believe that there are only 2-3 class sessions left (depending on the class)! Then winter break! Wahoo! What also excites me is all the awesome people I have met, like Jill who is also a recruiters wife, or Katie who is hilarious, and all the wonderful people in my wonderful, work oriented groups. I am so greatful I didn’t get stuck with sucky groups, because anyone who knows me knows I used to dread group work!

Lets see, well Andrew leaves tomorrow for a month so I will be on my own. He is going to station commander school. He gets back Dec 13th or so, then goes for BNOC in either January or February for another couple weeks. He has had off since Friday and has been spending a lot of time with the kids before he leaves. He actually took them to daycare for me this morning, hence the early post! Lucky you!

Other than that I think that’s it. Just want to send prayers/thoughts out to Nita and Christian for all you are going through as well as the Fraki’s for their recent loss of Grandma Hiirvi.

So, I wish I could write after three weeks and say my ear infection is gone, but, sadly, I cannot. Though better, my ears are still infected and I am supposed to go see an ear specialist on the 31st. I also wish I could say grad school was easy, it is not. Lots of work and time consuming, also a lot of money with daycare being $350 a week. Thankfully my mommy loves me and sent me the money we are short for the quarter for daycare. We just need to come up with $150 more. I am doing okay in classes and I am learning a lot but it’s just very overwhelming, especially since my house is a disaster because when I am home if the kids aren’t here I am doing homework and when the kids are here I play with them since Aiden is asleep by 7 (2.5 hours after coming home) and landen is usually asleep by 830 (4 hours after coming home) and I want to be able to snuggle and play when I can.

The kids are all right. Aiden no longer cries when going to daycare, landen has been lately, but turns out he is sick. He stayed home today because he had a fever, and as I was bringing Aiden into daycare Landen puked all over the driveway…then later today all over me. Yum. So, that means next week I will be home with Aiden also puking all over me! Hopefully not Tuesday because I have a midterm in my lab class.They are growing though!! It amazes me how much they learn at that place and how much the socialization is helping them develop and they play so well together now! I love it.

Other than that not much has been going on. I just go to class, do homework, never finish the readings, try and clean, and take care of my babies Overwhelmed usually, very stressed, especially about money (although a little less now thanks to my mommy) but lucky to have my babies whom I love even when they puke all over me and I have to drive all the way home covered in vomit.

Hope everyone has a great weekend! I will be working on e-mailing group members, a poster project, finishing another group paper and reading! Oh and dishes!

OMG I feel like crap. I have that double ear infection, and i feel slightly better than I did yesterday in that respect. But now I have a crazy headache, I am dizzy, my throat hurts and I feel like going to bed but I have a disasterous house and 60 terms to define and cite, another short paper to write, an essay to read and defend and 8 chapters to read and I can’t concentrate at all. All I want to do is sit on the couch and nap.

I don’t really know what else to write, I am miserable and looking for sympathy.